PERTH, Australia _ Doug and Eva have always dreamed of going to Australia because ... um ... ah ... it's far away and has kangaroos, wombats, nice beaches and friendly people who say ''G'day'' all the time.
Our first impression: It's a lot like America except people drive on the wrong side of the road and talk funny.
Anyway, reading up on Australia gave D&E a number of reasons NOT to want to go to Australia. These include: Sharks, crocodiles and venomous sea snakes, deadly jellyfish, marine creatures with poisonous spikes, killer sting-rays and the deadly blue-ringed octopus.
Plus large waves, rip tides, and undercurrents and out of control surfers.
So the safe bet is dry land, right? Not a chance.
On land, there is an impressive assortment of venomous snakes, including the Death Adder, and deadly spiders like the red back or the funnelweb.
Everyone tells you ''No worries'' about getting bitten because you will probably survive if you make it to a hospital within two hours. Great! The only thing less than two hours from a hospital in Australia is the hospital itself.
You can also die from the heat and thirst. Like being stuck at 50C (120F) in a part of the outback so remote that the most recent vehicle to pass was a road train last month.
Road trains? Talk about danger. When you see one of these these rigs roaring along with its string of trailers at near at a gazillion miles (1.6 gazillion kilometers) an hour, just ''Get off the road and wait, mate.''
There also seem to be a lot of road signs warning about the dangers of drinking and driving or driving when tired, suggesting that a lot of Australians need to be warned.
And wildfires spread instantly. And dingos.
On the other hand, there are signs of an advanced civilization here. For example, Australians have English Muffins, eggs Benedict, stakes of pancakes, with syrup, eggs and bacon, good beer, fine wine, all cheap and in huge portions. And there is cheap fuel, cheap cars, and great roads, which means you never have to walk anywhere.
We can see it now. Mr and Mrs M are fleeing a wildfire in their rented truck. A tired, drunk Australian sideswipes their car. The two Ms climb out of the wreck but have grown so fat from all the Aussie 'Tucker'' that all they can manage is a hurried waddle toward the coast, where all the venomous snakes and spiders have already gathered to get away from the flames.
So what then? Stay on the beach to be burned or bitten to death? Race into the ocean so the rip tides can make you shark food?
As we say in Norway ''Det kan gå bra'' --- ''it could go well'.
We'll see. Hello Oz.
Bruce and Sheila
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