ORLEANS BAY, Australia _ Ahead of arriving here, down under, Doug was excited about going to the Mecca of BBQing. You know, ''G'day Mate. Let's throw a couple prawns on the Barbie'' and such.
Brace yourselves. It's A LIE!.
At first, Doug thought it was a fluke, an error, a terrible, horrifying, painful misunderstanding. That thing, that abomination, at the first campground's BBQ area (ha ha) was not really a BBQ. It was a large skillet or frying pan, heated by gas in this case.
There were no coals. At no time was the meat or other food exposed to smoke or the heat of coals, There was no cooking grate, just this large, built in frying pan.
Here, from the Websters New World Collegiate Dictionary: A definition:
''barbecue to prepare (meat) outdoors by roasting on a spit or broiling on a grill, usually over a charcoal fire.''
So we're all clear on that? Charcoal. Gas grills are, if necessary, an acceptable substitute, should conditions demand that.
But in Australia? Oh, no, no no. They use the gas to heat a large outdoor skillet. And one campground they had an ELECTRIC _ perish the thought _ skillet they were trying to pass off as a BBQ.
Doug was trying to be a gracious guest, until he got here to Orleans Bay, where he paid 15 dollars (about 100 kroner) to rent a 'BBQ' – ha!. In this case you fired up the abomination with wood, but those coals just heated a skillet. AT NO TIME was the food in contact with smoke, or coals or flames.
Humanity. Rise up. The international community can no long accept this. Australians must be forced to mend their ways, or at the very least be truthful in describing their disgusting cooking practices.
Unless they repent, they can no longer be allowed to use to term BBQ but must speak the truth by saying, for example, 'G-Day mate. Let's thrown a couple prawns on the outdoor cooking appliance.''
Bruce and Sheila
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